The perils of young Egyptians' secret marriages

In the leafy grounds of Cairo University there are many dating couples among the crowds of students. Some sit close together in shady corners and hold hands.

Religious customs and ideas of social propriety in Egypt do not permit them to take their relationships much further.

However there is a way of bending the rules - urfi marriage.

Young Egyptians are said to be opting for these informal marriages in record numbers, often as a way of getting around religious strictures against premarital sex.

"It's a secret marriage between a boy and girl which even their parents don't know about," explains a 20-year-old archaeology student. "They don't announce it publicly."

"From what I hear there are a lot of students in this university who have urfi marriages," adds his companion, Dina.

...

It is difficult to get young women who have had bad experiences of urfi marriages to speak about them but one told us her story through a lawyer.

She explained she had never had a boyfriend before she went to university but met a fellow student on campus and fell in love.

He gave her many reasons why they could not formally marry but persuaded her to sign a urfi marriage contract.

They consummated their union at her house when her parents were out at work.

However the woman became nervous after her mother confronted her about blood on her bed sheets.

"Really I was afraid so I called the guy I married and told him he needed to come over and ask for my hand officially," she recalls.

"Straight away he found a lot of excuses why he could not come and we had an argument.

"He broke up with me and tore up our urfi marriage contract."

Eventually the student revealed to her family what had happened and they tried reporting the case to the police.

However as she had consented to sex she had no comeback. She said she felt humiliated.

...

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so thats not real marriage...or is it? :S

"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi

If you think about it, if someone has to hide their ''marriage'' and the only thing that they hope to achieve through this ''marriage'' is union, it shouldnt be considered a real marriage (at least thats what i think)
It's as Native Deen says: 'are my intentions alright, am i doing it for Allah, when i'm looking deep, deep down inside, do i have the right Niyyah?'

Jihad of the Nafs (The Struggle of the Soul)

ThE pOwEr Of SiLeNcE wrote:
so thats not real marriage...or is it? :S

and

Truth's_Razors wrote:
If you think about it, if someone has to hide their ''marriage'' and the only thing that they hope to achieve through this ''marriage'' is union, it shouldnt be considered a real marriage (at least thats what i think)

Better than to do it outside the marriage framework... the fact that people feel the need to resort to such tactics shows that there is something else wrong.

A marriage is better than not-a-marriage, but if they are both treated in the same way...

... This probably could also be overcome with education. "Girls, you better watch out, some guys, they are all about..." (youtube "lauren hill, that thing" if you don't get the reference).

I think its in girls' nature (genetic programming?) to be forgiving of guys and their ways, to overlook shortcomings etc. and this can be abused.

"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.

At the same time even though guys may simply want one thing, the girls (going back to the secret marriage thing) must have given their consent for the marriage which *in general* means that they consent to -that- too..
i just think that even though girls can be very easily swayed, it takes two to tango as the saying goes (ok the feminists totally hate me now lol)but at the same time i do understand that people do 'out of character' things when in 'love'

hmm

Jihad of the Nafs (The Struggle of the Soul)

out of character? hormones and attraction are a natural thing.

If the better path to deal with they is obscured by hurdles, people will follow other paths.

To expect them not to is naivety, unnatural even.

"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.

yep hormones and attraction are natural things but that doesnt mean that everyone will act on these!

Jihad of the Nafs (The Struggle of the Soul)

Not acting on them should not be considered the norm but superhuman feats of endurance that many put up with.

Not everyone will want to endure and if no easy and halaal means are available, they will find alternative means that may be less halaal or less wholesome.

Ignoring that is to the community's peril.

"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.

yep i agree, i thought i acknowledged that not everyone endures when i said:

but at the same time i do understand that people do 'out of character' things when in 'love'

maybe i wasn't clear, sorry!

Jihad of the Nafs (The Struggle of the Soul)

Truth's_Razors wrote:
yep i agree, i thought i acknowledged that not everyone endures when i said:

but at the same time i do understand that people do 'out of character' things when in 'love'

maybe i wasn't clear, sorry!

Thats hardly an explanation in itself.

If people are so easily willing to fall in love then they should be willing to accept the responsibilities that go with that. In for a penny in for a pound. If they're not willing to get propperly married then they shouldnt be doin this kinda crap.

Altho you cant always control who you 'fall for' you can however control your actions. You can choose not to act on those "feelings". As actions have consequences. And if you dont act propperly then the consequences will be quite bad too.

Back in BLACK

My first comment:
If you think about it, if someone has to hide their ''marriage'' and the only thing that they hope to achieve through this ''marriage'' is union, it shouldnt be considered a real marriage (at least thats what i think)
It's as Native Deen says: 'are my intentions alright, am i doing it for Allah, when i'm looking deep, deep down inside, do i have the right Niyyah?'

(which shows my view on the topic)

gosh i feel as though everyone thinks that i think its a jolly good idea! lol

Jihad of the Nafs (The Struggle of the Soul)

Seraphim wrote:
Altho you cant always control who you 'fall for' you can however control your actions. You can choose not to act on those "feelings". As actions have consequences. And if you dont act properly then the consequences will be quite bad too.

In an ideal world where this was the case, there would be no crime (because people will control their actions, do the right think), no violence, no mistreatment of others.

We do not live in such a world and expecting those rules to be followed leads to failure of biblical proportions.

"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.

You wrote:
Seraphim wrote:
Altho you cant always control who you 'fall for' you can however control your actions. You can choose not to act on those "feelings". As actions have consequences. And if you dont act properly then the consequences will be quite bad too.

In an ideal world where this was the case, there would be no crime (because people will control their actions, do the right think), no violence, no mistreatment of others.

We do not live in such a world and expecting those rules to be followed leads to failure of biblical proportions.

No... your grabbing the wrong end of the stick.

Im saying if theyve got the balls to go thru with a secret marriage then they should have the balls to step up and do it for real. Any idiot can "fall in love" but to make it happen. Thats wat separates the boys from the men.

(I think im having an omrow moment here... Oh dear :/ )

Back in BLACK

you're forgetting the masculine trait of some being or wanting to be players.

"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.

Truth's_Razors wrote:
If you think about it, if someone has to hide their ''marriage'' and the only thing that they hope to achieve through this ''marriage'' is union, it shouldnt be considered a real marriage (at least thats what i think)
It's as Native Deen says: 'are my intentions alright, am i doing it for Allah, when i'm looking deep, deep down inside, do i have the right Niyyah?'

woooooooooooooo, i LIKE THAT! Biggrin

Love is a serious mental disease.

Seraphim wrote:

(I think im having an omrow moment here... Oh dear :/ )


lol

"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi

I think this is pretty much the reason why parents fear their children (well, daughters) going somewhere else to study.
Shockingly, my Parents who are so very,very religious met in a university in Egypt...you maight call it 'love'. But they married, so there are some success stories and unfortunately some people who like playing the field....

Love is a serious mental disease.