the wrongest reasons to get married

i think one of the wrongest reasons to get married is to run away from your family. leaving your family and starting a new one on this foundation sounds like a recipe for disaster. especially with the importance of marriage and family in Islam.

One of the ways to find a husband is through your parents; and if you're not having the best relationship with them how are you going to do that?

then there's choosing the dude. I wont say your parents/friends know you the best. its easy to control friends and family and let them see what you want to let them see and to create a mask. but if you're doing that already then getting married might not be the best thing to do right now. As i was saying, family and friend might not know you the best but they still have to interact with you and see you regularly so they can give you useful tips and opinions on what type of person you are and what type of person would suit you.

you might be real tights with your friends, but if you're not married then they probably arent either so in terms of experience in marriage, you're in the same (maybe sinking) boat. whereas your parents...well..they're together arent they? and you're right here and old enough to get married arent you? so they've got to know something or other on how to make it work right? if you're not talking to your parents or havent got a nice relationship with them, how are you going to discuss if this guy is suitable? if its going to work? when just the thought of talking about it is unbearable?

so don't look to marriage as an escape to your family. and don't blame your family if you cant find someone to marry. Family isnt an entity that sits there in the middle of the house, which can be blamed anytime for everything. Divide one by the number of people in your house, then times by a hundred. thats the percentage involvement and responsability you have in this family. thats the percentage blame you've got for this family not working out properly. If you want to get married then its time to change this percentage into the percentage success you have in this awesome, argument free family. and if you're THAT good, then i'm guessing you're reading to put those skills to build your own family.

PS: and anyway, your dad needs to sit there while you're talking with your maybe-future-husband, so if you're not tight with your dad then why are you even thinking about marriage? Blum 3

Lillyproscastinating.

There's plenty of other things to mention related to this particular reason; now, this is a blog, not really an article, what do you think should go on our list of "the wrongest reasons to marry"? (and not you dont have to write an essay the way i did)

Comments

cant believe i wrote so much..the first paragraph hardly makes any sense... urgh...

i had to reread the 2nd paragraph a few times to get it... so much twisting and turning...

i need to edit some stuff on para 3. *maybe sinking boat. and the last sentence...

4th para: argument less free?! what the flip...

onclusion: you should have acess to my mind when reading stuff i wrote.

Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?

Lilly you make perfect sense Blum 3

Finding this blog interesting, because I'm kinda in the same situation, as in the wanting to get away from home thing.. (although I'm still too young to get married) Anyone got any advice on what I should try and do..?
Jazakallah Smile

And I think another wrong reason to get married is when people think they have found 'the one' and then go about things the wrong way in order to become closer to them (for marriage 'later on'), or if they are going out with someone with intention to marry, because that day may never come.

T.

well..i'd say try and figure out whats wrong at home. why do you want to run away? because home's the best place. its safe heaven. you need to make it into a safe heaven before you leave it. and anyway, mr husband is only a regular dude. if you're getting married to run away then you'll have all those high expectations of mr husband which he might not be able to fulfill.

Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?

I think she's talking to TasnimSeraj.

Wrongest reason to marry - The old guy's dying...and rich.

"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi

Well to be honest home feels like the least safe place, I thought maybe if I was to get married then maybe there would be some hope that I would be able to find more peace than I would be able to than if I was at home. Its not generally about the husband but more the getting away from family/parents.. How could I make it into a safe heaven?

T.

Are you a student? Could you move away from home for university or something?

...

Is asking you to try and make your relationship better with your family, too much?

...

Have you got a particular problem, which maybe an organisation can help you with, or counselling or something?

"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi

Yeah I'm a student, but right now I'm still at college.. Moving away for university is an option though
I think that the tension is at an all time high, not just with me, but with my parents in general..
I'm not aware of any, but counselling could help..

T.

TasnimSeraj wrote:
Yeah I'm a student, but right now I'm still at college.. Moving away for university is an option though
I think that the tension is at an all time high, not just with me, but with my parents in general..
I'm not aware of any, but counselling could help..

google may help you find some organisations?

I think there's some helplines and stuff targeting young Muslims, specifically, too.

InshaAllah, you will get through this difficult time and Allah will make things easier for you Smile

"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi

ThE pOwEr Of SiLeNcE wrote:
TasnimSeraj wrote:
Yeah I'm a student, but right now I'm still at college.. Moving away for university is an option though
I think that the tension is at an all time high, not just with me, but with my parents in general..
I'm not aware of any, but counselling could help..

google may help you find some organisations?

I think there's some helplines and stuff targeting young Muslims, specifically, too.

InshaAllah, you will get through this difficult time and Allah will make things easier for you Smile

and we're heere. we're not experts but we're young people. write poems, blogs, tell stories!

Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?

If not all people are good, that means that not all parents will always be good.

But in this case you have to choose patience.

@TasnimSeraj - you are still young. People are bolder when young, but its sometimes better to be patient and you may come to better understandings in the future or any issues may become less stressful or even resolve themselves.

"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.

ThE pOwEr Of SiLeNcE wrote:
InshaAllah, you will get through this difficult time and Allah will make things easier for you Smile

Ameen Smile
Yeah I guess I'll have to be patient, not only because I'm young but because things may get better in the near future, InshaAllah.. Biggrin Jazakallah everyone!

T.