chattering around you when you're half asleep

do you know about stages of sleep? there's deep sleep and not so deep sleep and we're suppose to put our alarms on during that "not so deep" sleep time coz its the best time to wake up

[they say sleep cycle - light sleep to light sleep - lasts on average 90 mins so we should put our alarms on at multiples of 90 and we'd wake up more easily]

anyway, when im going through light sleep (im assuming here), especially round morning time i can hear snatches of conversation going on around me; people on landing talking, siblings getting ready for school etc...

and i hate it.

i dont know if you've experienced this before, if yes, how dyou feel about it?

let me elaborate, what happens is that i hear those snippets of convos and the info registers, then i wake up and during the morning those bits of info would pop up and i'd be confused as to their origins and whether they're real or just from dreams i had.

it leaves me confused and slightly lost. and i hate that feeling.

because its teh way you feel after you come around from a grand mal seizure. you dont remember having a fit. you just wake up with this overwhelming headache and faces peering at you anxiously (i know this sounds like a phrase from a book, but its literally that). then you sit up and some more faces peering at you anxiously and half smiling in this weird sorry/apologetic/pitied way. tis weird. Then you're either told "you had a fit" or you ask "did i have a fit?" and then it hits you. i did have a fit. as you try to sit up your hips are killing you and your speech is slurred as you try to recollect the series of events (ha! had to stop myself adding "unfortunate" here) from having bitten something inside your mouth (tongue or side of cheeks or lips or something) and that heaadacchhheeee.

so yeah, you slowly recollect. you retrace your journey from waking up, what you did, what you said. everything you say has the intonation of a question, waiting for confirmation from the people around you. they certify the facts, move on to the next step.

actually sometimes before that, you'll ask "what happened?" in a small slurry, headachy voice and the witnesses will tell you "you were here and there and you did this and that and then BAM".

you nodd. fuzzy.  (and OUCH) then you recollect from the morning, from the time you woke up. and at some point your memory will cut off. "i went down to the kitchen...." "oh i poured myself a bowl of milk! and then..." nothing. but you've been filled in thankfully. you're able to use other people's description to sew yourself a little string of memory to attach that last one you had with the one where you opened your eyes.

then i usually go back to sleep for a bit. that headache, you really cant do nowt with it.

then i wake up, usually with headache gone. i always imagine fits like this literal BRAIN STORM. and you just gotta go to sleep to let your body/brain rearrange things and you wake up and headache is gone.

then you'll ask some more questions, rerun through what happened because that time you woke up the first time, it was inbetween two sleeping times and its also gone a bit fuzzy. then slowly as you start moving around and assessing the damage - muscles, bruises, mouth - there will be bits of info popping into your head from the time you woke up that morning. and you'll have to tell it, quite excitedly and someone will confirm and you feel all excited like "yeah! im remembering!, im piecing this together!!" so thats quite alright.

then the day and some other days go by and your memory is fuzzy, not just from that day, but from before. you have to ask a few questions, keep getting facts checked and confirmed. things are blurry. things need to be triggered to be remembered, things need to be "walked through" from a point you CAN pinpoint till the memory you want to get to. tis all very strange but ever so fascinating and interesting! I quite enjoy it in my good moments.

but that FEEL. that "needing confirmation". thats a tough one to deal with. you cnt rely on yourself anymore, you need to get things checked so you can tick it in your head.

and so this is why i don't like being talked to or hearing snippets of conversations when im half asleep. coz when i wake up i need to reconfirm all this stuff that was said to me. and i need to ask if this was said or not (if i wasnt talked to directly) "was it today that lil sis couldnt find her library book?" "was it today that she was been difficult with her hair" "did sis say this to me?" "was i asked to do this and that". and i don't like that fuzzy feeling.

(for some reason, i started with "hate this" but now, it feels more like "i dont like it". no need to hate it right? its no big!)

i shall tell my parents to try and limit their talking to me when im half asleep and also maybe wear earplugs? lol.

that feeling though, i like it when im not not liking it. it reminds me how weak and dependant i am. something i sometimes forget. plus it opens the channels of communication right? having to confirm facts every once in a while. tis good.

 

i hope someone out there, dealing with epilepsy, struggling with it really, would find these blogs useful. i think thats also going to be one of my purpose for writing.

Comments

Is there possibly some way of making sure that you close your room door before you go to bed each day so that you may avoid hearing conversations? Would that help?

How about if you turned around and had your back towards the noises and sounds almost as though you're trying to tell yourself to ignore whatever else is going on?